perfect Sunday is the song,
I have so much of it right now that it can’t be withheld within one blog post. I need to express feels. I am making myself tea and pacing across the floor. I pace whenever I feel odd or unbalanced because I feel like I’m going somewhere even though I’ve barely gone anywhere. I’ve started thinking about my past which is something you never want to do when you have anxiety. It keeps your mind extremely occupied and its very unhealthy. As is thinking of the future. Although my past is not as bad as others, I’ve had my share of family problems. I like to think I’m damaged because it makes me feel special. There are things much worse out there but for some reason, it makes me feel better when I think I’m the only one going through this.
They say you are never alone but you are. No one can read minds and souls so no one knows exactly how you feel. People could be going through the same thing but there is no guarantee that we feel the same.
Oh, how it would be if you could venture into the minds of others! You could be sure of so many things and you wouldn’t be worried about anything.
I know probably no one will read this but I don’t care. This is all for me. When you have anxiety, the most important thing is to clear your mind. And if that is damn near impossible, make it occupied with something relaxing or happy. Thoughts only stop being thoughts when you release them out of your brain. That’s when thoughts become words, they become sayings or quotes.
Okay. I think I’m done for now. My dad made me bacon. I’m sipping my tea. Watching funny things. Let’s hope this doesn’t result in another sleepless night.
'Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds'
Its 19:56 as I’m writing this and after a sleepless night I have been having mild panic attacks, which normally occur from time to time whenever I’m stressed out. But this time is different. This time I’m stressed out over nothing. I have been over thinking everything I’ve done throughout the day. I worry when I accidentally make eye contact with someone. I worry if I’m being too friendly and it comes off as weird. I worry if I have seen someone too many times in the day and it comes across as stakerish. I get scared that I’m never going to get over these thoughts in my head. I think of images to think of when I think of unhappy thoughts. I feel depressed and I feel my heart sink every 5 minutes for 5 seconds and then I get distracted again by happy thoughts. This has been going on for the past 15 hours. I felt like Tumblr was the best place to express this. Its now 20:13. And this is what its like to have anxiety. Severe anxiety.
I need some tea.
Black Widow (err - Scarlett Johansson): Now and Then
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This is deep, man
one of the greatest piece of information taught to me in life was from a fucking deranged talking baboon